Purim Joy and Mourning

Purim IS a fun holiday. The happiness of Purim is so great that we should even increase our joy in the days leading up to it. In the Talmud, the rabbis decreed: (Ta’aanit 29a) : When the month of Adar – the month we celebrate Purim -- enters, rejoicing is increased!

There’s good reason for rejoicing. God saved us … again. But this time, it was different from every other Biblical rescue.

The Bible didn’t give God credit for saving us! Rather, the Purim story features God acting through people … heroic people who trusted Him and relied on Him. And even though the Bible doesn’t explicitly mention Divine intervention – God’s hand is clearly guiding our people and helping us find the courage and strength to stand up for ourselves … no matter what the odds.

Therefore, we celebrate! We
• dress in costume,
• knosh some hamentaschen
• tell jokes, get silly
• boo Haman – yeah, we’re supposed to be noisy in the synagogue…

We’re commanded to
• give gifts of food to each other,
• provide gifts for the needy,
• and be festive!

However, sometimes Jewish obligations conflict with each other.

We are commanded to celebrate Purim – and we’re commanded to … remember.

This is Shabbat Zachor – the Shabbat of Remembering. This comes from a section of Torah we’ll read tomorrow that commands us to remember how Amalek attacked us in the wilderness. The tie to Purim? Haman is descended from Amalek.

However, I want to talk about memory … and not Haman or Amalek or even Purim.

Remembering our loved ones … is a commandment.

… Not that we really need anyone to tell us to do that … how can we forget them?...

When Adar enters our joy increases … but that doesn’t always work. My father was buried on Rosh Chodesh Adar.

As Purim drew closer, I found myself troubled by the nature of the holiday and the difficulty of observing … celebrating … it.

After all, I’m barely out of shivah – in a period known as shloshim, the 30 days … the restrictions aren’t as severe as during shivah … during the shloshim we gradually return to “normal” activity … but still, the mourning is intense.

As many of you know, I’ve performed lots of funerals, done my best to help people through the mourning process. Intellectually, I’ve always understood the reasons for the restrictions we have during shivah and afterwards.

I now understand that the so-called restrictions of aveilut … of mourning … aren’t restrictions at all. They’re things the mourner does not have to do. After all, when your feelings are brutally raw, who wants to go anywhere or pretend that everything is normal!

The amazing part of this process is the comfort that I got … still get … from you. We had minyans … you were there. We didn’t have the energy or will to cook … you brought us tons of wonderful food.

Jews are commanded to comfort the mourners … the comfort you brought is beyond description.

There’s so much I thought I understood … but am seeing life through a very different lens right now.

Back to Purim. I tried to plan my costume … after all, I’ve worn a costume for lots of years … most of you know, I can get real silly! But now, even the thought of Purim and fun was unbearable.

What to do? After all, as a rabbi, my “job” is to make Purim festive for everyone. As a plain, simple Jew, I’m supposed to celebrate.

I sought advice from my colleagues. They were great, not just for discussing my Purim dilemma … but I don’t have a rabbi … and I needed one, desperately.

My friends … my fellow rabbis … reminded me that of course I wouldn’t be celebrating with a whole heart … if I tried, it wouldn’t be real… that I had to find a balance … and Purim comes again next year…

Tomorrow night, you’ll see me without a costume. While I will certainly celebrate … and thank the Holy One for helping us … it will probably not be as whole-hearted a Purim as I’m used to.

We’re still planning a fun Purim! I hope that many of you DO wear costumes and come ready for fun! We have a great skit … with great music … Beach Boy tunes, couldn’t get better!

And after the megillah reading, there will be more festivities. It WILL be fun.

But this time, I’ll take a bit of a back seat. While I celebrate our holiday, I’ll can’t help but remember, think about my father … … and the joy he always took in his family, the love he always showered on us.

Daddy was such a mensch. My greatest prayer … my greatest hope … is for us, his children … to live up to his legacy of honesty, kindness, and love.